Flog the blog

So the company I work for and test product for has this bitchin blog, updated daily by the organic crew at Patagonia. It’s called The Cleanest Line, which I think is a beautiful name because after all, isn’t that what we are all searching for? Wether it be surfing, snowboarding, rock climbing, ice climbing or mountain biking, anything at all, we all want the cleanest line on the steepest face. Or is it the cleanest face on the steepest line? ha ha. Anyway, since the great news of The Path and Cobra Crack being repeated, Patagonia will be writing a short flash about the details.

It seems this is of great interest, which I think is a good thing, and I’ve received many emails from individuals of the public as well as media who want me to say something, so I send them this little blurb.

“Since the repeat of two of my climbs, I’ve been asked a lot to comment on my thoughts. Well, here goes; I am severely pissed off and I need a life sized ice pack for my wounded ego. Who do these guys think they are, coming into OUR country and climbing these things? Screw ’em. Besides, I don’t really care, it’s all a hoax anyway, Ethan can’t climb worth a squirt of piss, and Nicolas is in Belgium drinking beer, he’s not even in Canada you fools. So whoever these people are starting rumours and stirring up shit, good for you, keep up on it and while we’re at it, lets start another one, like Patxi onsights his second 5.14c. What a crock. We all know 5.14 doesn’t really exist anyway, it’s just media hype so magazines can make more money from advertising, gear companies can sell more product and climbers can grovel hand over foot for a free water bottle and a logo t-shirt. Oh please can I have another?”

Did I just write all that in my outside voice? It must be the JD talking. I’m much more diplomatic when I’m sober. Below is what I really said, and this part is true.

“I think these routes getting repeated is nothing short of expected, not to mention incredible. What is most amazing is the fact that they were both done within a week of each other, in two different provinces, by two different climbers no less. Crazy. They were both climbed in record time as well, which I think is perfectly normal. When I put up a first ascent, I could care less about how long it takes me, the process is vastly savoring for me and (secretly) I don’t want it to end so quickly. If my motivation was to climb only these hard routes as fast as possible, I feel as though I may miss out on the intimacy of the experience. When I travel to other areas, I do try a lot harder because there is a time crunch and I am usually overwhelmed with the energy of being in a new place. When I’m at home however, there is no pressure and it’s pure joy. Personally, I love solving the problems of first ascents as much as repeating climbs around the world. If I were just repeating climbs and not giving back, not being creative, I think I would have lost interest years ago. So when I put up these routes I wanted them to be repeated and enjoyed, by many. I’m glad my climbs can inspire others and it’s so great to see Canada getting more and more international attention. This inspires me. The youth inspires me. The lines inspire me.”

  • Charlie

    I think you should have submitted the first one, pulls everyone’s chain as it were 🙂 The media uproar would have been hilarious 🙂

    Keep it up.