You Must Be at Least 18!

WARNING:

If you are easily offended then please don’t read my blog.  Seriously.  I am going to be honest, I sometimes curse when I can’t find a better word, I single out dumb people, like myself and I’ve been known to post pictures of women in their bikini’s.  This is NOT some politically correct publication with a hot flash department, this is NOT a 'paid advertising' web page, this site costs me money out of my own pocket and as much as I need it to keep in touch with family, friends and sponsors, I also use it to promote my upcoming career as a Rock Climbing Guide, (not very well mind you) OH and from time to time, I use this space for my little rants, and if anyone gets caught in the line of fire, I want you to know that it is nothing personal (unless I say so).  In conclusion, if you have a limited sense of humor, get offended with little effort or despise little bitches like me who soak themselves in self promotion, then I would like to ask you politely to keep surfing the net and delve no further into my rotten, opinionated dribble.  Thank you and have a wonderful day.

DRIBBLE: 

Does anyone remember WAY back in tha day, when there was a memory limit to our email accounts?   Like if you received a naked picture from your bodacious girlfriend (or your malnourished boyfriend), then you’d have to erase like three messages just to accept it, otherwise your partner in the buff would get a failure notice declaring your inbox was full?  Remember?

Well goodness, if we lived back in that dark era again, I’d have no room for the influx of positive letters I’ve received over this trip to Scotland, and I wouldn’t be sitting here tearing up a box of Kleenex weeping over my keyboard.  But seriously, where did all you people come from?  Over 100 affirming messages.  Who knew?

Of course these ‘comments’ have a tendency to be sweet and snappy, (the way I like it, ha ha ha) but I can’t tell you enough how much impact they have on me, seriously.  I am overwhlmed by elation.  Even the shortest of dibs puts a smile on my face and although I can’t get back to all of you, please know that I have read each and every one and I hear what you’re all saying.  I’m picking up what you’re putting down.  I’m reading your mail.  Grin.  THANK YOU, to all of you beautiful people and your beautiful support.  You’d almost think I made the first ascent, I didn’t, Dave Mac did.  You’d almost think I climb for myself, I don’t, I climb only for the spotlight and now I’ve got a taste of it.  Thank you for making my dreams of glory come true.

I suppose I should enjoy this moment of celebration, this is my thirteen minutes I guess, because we all know it won’t be long before the mob turns on me like a politician and demands my head on a spit.  It’s funny how our society (especially in Detroit) builds someone up and then pulls them back down again, we set them up like bowling pins and when the time is exactly right, we drive over them with an eighteen wheeler, stop and reverse to make sure it hurt. We compliment them to their face and smile, but when they turn around we drive a screwdriver into their shoulder blade. Or at least that's how it seems sometimes.  Not that any of you would do that, but I wouldn't blame you if you did, it's only human.

Ah yes, the rise and fall of, WELL… just about everything. 

Trust me, it won’t be long before I’ll say or do something that people won’t like, accept or understand and I’ll be the easy target for smack talking and trash mocking, there will be comments about my weak skinny girl arms, the dirty ball cap I wear overtop of my bad hair, or the fact that I only choose climbs that will gain me visibility and that I only ‘redpoint’ after X-treme toproping sessions, so therefore I am not a true climber of soul.  It will go donw like this —

"Talk to me when he does something from the ground up."

"I heard he doesn't climb ice, what a puss."

"but did he do the extension?"

"Did you hear he used a rubber knee pad for the crux?"

"Oh my, what a cheater."

"It wasn't a flash, he fell off the first hold and then got back on again."

Oh and let’s not forget that I am a sponsor whore, a prostitute for free shwag and food stamps.  Yipeee!   Gotta love it. So before all this kicks into full effect, I am going to enjoy the reward I earned from the hard work I put into climbing as of late.  It has been a lot of fun.  So here I go, I’m enjoying it…

…okay I think I’m done now, it’s time to get back into focus mode.  Cory Richards is only one fall away from success and needs an attentive belayer.  He got a wonderful high point today, but lost his footing.  He’s happy to fall from the last move, so fear won’t be an issue tomorrow, all he needs to think about is one move at a time and he’s got it in the bag.  That goes for all of you trying something hard, just one move at a time.  Requiem is 5.13b, but let us not forget that Cory has never climbed harder than 5.12b in his whole life.  If he sticks the last move he will have officially skipped an entire number grade (on widgets no less) AND if he keeps up this curve, he’ll be climbing 5.15b next year. He is my hero.  Watch out Adam Ondra.

  • Suzanne

    Ha ha! Well said. Gotta love that pic, was one pint in one hand not enough? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Tom P

    Your blog is some of the best reading on the web, thanks again for keeping me distracted from revision!
    Tom

  • Tracy

    Love the content, the buffoonery, the commitment to your ideals resulting in the excellent execution of what you set out to do. WG and Dave’s blogs pointed me to your site and have been following along since you turned down the mullah…respect!

    Keep it coming Sonnie and get Cory to send HARD.

  • For the full Hollywood effect we need Cory to complete. Also talking of criticism I’m sure the pay per view viewers won’t be happy that you didn’t wait until an hour before your flight to send the route

  • Caz

    Nice one, Sonnie. A little self-defecation goes a long way …

  • caroline

    I think the Scottish Summer of 08 will always be remembered as a ‘Sonnie’ one ;o)

    Go Cory, go Cory, go Cory!

  • kipper

    Go on Cory get into the Zone and get the tick THIS TIME!!!!

  • EASY

    Man you must have a giant sack because I know it wasn’t those weak skinny girl arms that got you up Rhapsody….just kidding

    Execellent send and great read, its always good to day dream away from work

  • You Legend! Nice to know one can indulge in the occasional tipple and still climb to full potential! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Come to ireland! Theres loads of hard stuff to be done. Worlds first E10 anyone? (ok its “only” E8, but you gotta see this thing!). Enjoy it dude, you earned it!

  • Sonnie

    Hiya, okay, in order.

    Suzanne; Nope, the Guiness was good and hearty, but the Speckled Hen was light and refreshing. I needed both to find the balance. smirk.

    Tom; Thanks ombre, your last name wouldn’t happen to be Petty would it?

    Tracy; that is such a cool word, Buffoonery, glad you found your way over to my site, (the dark side) I’ll be sure to give Cory the message. Best.

    Dave; It gets closer every day, today being the closest so far and tomorrow may be his official last day. Fingers crossed.

    Caz; Call me crazy, but I think you meant to say ‘self-deprecation’, not ‘defecation’. However both of these do work very well, you’re right and good on you for pointing it out. Self-deprecation (for those who don’t know) is a form of humor in which people make jokes at their own expense, while Self-defecation is the act of one who shits on themselves, literally and figuratively. So, either one was right I guess, I just thought it was a cleaver play on words. Grin.

    Caroline; We love you.

    Kipper; His own accounts are coming soon, thanks for your continued support, keep it coming.

    EASY; Average sack, average arms, below average intelligence. ha ha. Work sucks eh?

    Paul; I am half Irish bro, my dad and his family come from Dublin, I can’t wait to come and visit, see you next year.

  • Apes

    It does look like you are defecating in your pants in this picture. Maybe Caz meant to say that. Funny stuff!!!

  • Suzanne

    Can’t help but laugh at all those defecation comments; nice one, ha ha :))

  • elias

    it’s better to hear(or read) what we normally think about climbing(in this specific case) and if you can add a little black abrassive humor in it , sounds just fuckin’ perfect to me man, i appreciate the honesty of it all and makes me comfortable that i’m not the only fucker with a bittersweet view of life, goooshhh gotta love it….whatever. enjoy while you can(hollywood climbing lifestyle and everybody loving you right now)haha, the real thing to learn is that we are never alone even in the most dangerous or difficult moments of our lives. you are lucky. plenty of support AAAAAAAALLLL THE WAY FROM MEXICO CITY…

  • ktmt

    Uh-oh, I just found something in your posts that may put into question the entire Rhapsody effort, perhaps even jeopardize your lucrative life as a sponsored, pro climber! Your site lists Clif Bars as a sponsor (I’m gnawing on one right now, Chocolate Brownie, my personal favorite), yet you credit a gob-ful of Snickers as part of your success strategy. There may be some explainin’ needs to get done. Also, on a personal level, do I need to switch to Snickers if >I< want to repeat a high end trad route? God, don't tell me I gotta start eating pigs blood too!

  • Dustin Harris

    Crying @ the judgement. SO true eh?

    “Dave Mac didn’t really send that E10 because he held the skyhook in place with stick tack…”

    Awesome send, and Direquiem is a rad name.

    -D

  • tim m

    your posts are a riot! Doing the route a second time in better style is proof you are having a great time . Your distaste for taking things too seriously is a really enjoyable read. thanx for taking the time to share .